Substitutes

I was doing some research for a future blog entry I want to write and found this:

"Thump the bass and blast that solid Christian rock!"

Sweet, rocking Jesus, this is so terrible I almost don't know where to start! Since when is the on/off switch on a piece of electronic hardware listed among marketable accessory features like a removable strap and whammy bar? That's like if I were trying to sell you a new car by saying, "It also comes with wheels!"

But the reason I shake my head at this ad is not the quote-ably awful script. The game is an overt knock-off of the popular Guitar Hero games and is one of many products made for audiences whose interests or agendas conflict with what is already available. There's nothing wrong with catering to a different subset of people, but it seems almost disrespectful to assume those people will only be satisfied with derivative copies of other things.

To elucidate by analogy, I'm sure you've noticed this same phenomenon in vegan food options. There are vegan substitutes for pretty much everything now thanks to the infamous culinary shapeshifter, soy. I tried some soy-based vegan cheese on a pizza recently. Despite being a little sandy in texture, I was surprised at how creamy and cheese-like it tasted. But the fact that it tried so hard to mimic the real thing is a sign that people are either unable or unwilling to explore the still endless possibilities available to their dinner table even without so much as a reference to meat or dairy. For example, I can think of dozens of amazing and delicious things a person can do with almonds aside from turning them into a substitute for cow milk.

"Teese" was the name of the cheese substitute I ate — a name which, itself, suggests that being vegan is just a constant battle to resist sinful temptations. I've been vegan for several good stretches of time in the past and I can say that if the diet you choose is a diet you genuinely want, you won't crave the things you can't have. It's a slightly different story for people whose food restrictions are in response to allergies or other medical conditions, but substitutes like Teese seem mostly made for unafflicted people who either don't truly want or can't fully appreciate their choice of lifestyle as it is.

Guitar Praise is for people who want Guitar Hero but can't have AC/DC's irreverence or Ozzy Osbourne's demonic overtones. (You wouldn't want your Bible-studying, choir-boy son listening to a band called Black Sabbath, would you?) There are several other things the creators of Guitar Praise might have intended in its inception: To make Christianity fun and accessible to kids; to unobtrusively spread the word of God; or just to provide simple, wholesome entertainment. But their delivery device prevents me from getting any of those messages. It's a clone of Guitar Hero. The only message that sends is that Christianity is incapable of offering anything other than diminutive incarnations of bigger and better things. And that's about as fair a statement as saying that almonds are only good for milk. Substitutes are not limited to Christianity (or religion at all) but religious substitutes are perhaps the saddest considering the number of complex idiosyncrasies any spiritual lifestyle could offer for inspiration.

I've been picking on Guitar Praise, but there's almond milk everywhere! Ever heard Christian hip-hop? Or Christian metal? They exist, unabashedly emulating sounds we've heard before. Here's a listening exercise. Compare:

I hope you noticed the stylistic similarities here, particularly in the vocals. The left track is by a band called Eternal Decision which delivers Christian messages through thrash metal (hidden somewhere in the gruff yelling, I imagine) and the right track is... well... Metallica. While most religions' distinctive sounds come from well outside this century, and while Christian music hasn't had its own sound for about 300 years, it's practically unimaginable that something as big as an entire religion couldn't inspire unique and wonderful gifts for musicians to give the modern world — gifts that are more than just familiar songs with Jesus in the lyrics.

The best vegan dishes bring their own personality to the table without being overshadowed by the beefier dishes among them and without resorting to imitation. They are good not despite a lack of meat and dairy, but because they lack meat and dairy. They own and nurture the creative possibilities still available instead of constantly compensating for the restrictions, which is a big paradigm shift in a world that loves substitutes. It's a shift I hope to see more in diets, video games, songs, and every other place. As a music enthusiast, I have a particular interest in hearing Christian music re-imagined. That's probably too tall an order for me to deliver as a single musician (and perhaps even blasphemous for me to try as an atheist) but maybe others will have these same ideas. If the existence of gourmet vegan food is any indication, then I look forward to Christianity's creative crusade.

Though after seeing stuff that tries as hard as THIS does, Guitar Praise starts to look pretty good...